Bella Poarch Remembers Her Mental Health "Firsts"

You should be comfortable enough to tell your friends

what you're going through.

'Cause if you're friends with people that you can't talk to,

then why are they your friends?

[laughs]

Hey, Teen Vogue, I'm Bella Poarch.

And today, I'm gonna take you on a journey

of some of my firsts.

[soft upbeat music]

The first time I realized that I needed to talk to someone

is actually one of my friends telling me

that I needed to talk to someone.

When someone tells you that you need help,

it's not them judging you,

that's because they care about you.

She realized that I was down and triggered

about certain things

and she told me that I needed to get checked,

and I'm glad I did.

The first time I went to therapy

was when I was in the military.

That was the first time I was diagnosed with PTSD.

And I remember getting into my therapy session.

I told him all my symptoms.

I told him what's going on,

and the first question he said was,

Are you on your period?

[cricket chirps]

And that's when I realized,

I should probably change therapists, and I did.

You know, you have to really find a good therapist

that understands you.

I knew I had the right therapist when you say a dark joke

and they just laugh instead of judging you.

I remember I was at work and something triggered me,

and I was having a panic attack

and all my coworkers was there.

First, they didn't know how to react,

but they were comforting me.

It was scary because at that moment,

I didn't really know what was going on.

It was like I was in a different world.

Yeah, it's scary.

When I don't get enough sleep.

Sleep for me is really important,

especially that when I talk to people,

my batteries really get drained.

Interacting with people in general,

I just have to make sure I get enough sleep.

The first thing I do when I wake up

is read my manifestations.

I've been manifesting, like writing them down

on a piece of paper since 2020.

First time I heard about it, on my For You page,

someone was talking about manifestations.

I said, Why not?

I'll try it out and see if it works.

The first song I remember being obsessed with

would be Reflection.

The theme song for Mulan.

First time I saw Mulan was, I think when I was six.

Yeah, she was my superhero.

The first song that resonated with me

is Human by Christina Perri.

When I was in my teenage years, I heard the lyrics,

and I was like, Wow, it's very powerful.

I think you guys should check it out.

I mean, if you guys know the song, you know.

The first song I ever wrote was,

it's about my cat back when I was like nine.

My cat was named WALL-E because I love the movie WALL-E.

I mean, it was just basically about how my cat

just loves being around me.

I love that WALL-E always like slept next to me every night.

The first time I ever poured my heart out

into my lyrics would be Living Hell.

It's a very deep song and it means a lot to me

because it's about what I experienced during my childhood.

The first time I went viral was my M to the B TikTok.

It was during the pandemic.

I was just bored at home and I decided to make a video.

When I saw a million likes on the M to the B video,

I was shocked.

I didn't know people liked videos like that.

It was very simple.

Yeah, I was just very shocked when I was on TikTok for like,

I don't know, six hours a day.

Very unhealthy, really bad for you.

Don't ever do that.

When I started showing more skin in my content,

but I also think that it's my body

so I can do whatever I want.

I was a sales associate in Target.

It's a fancy way of saying I folded clothes in Target.

So sometimes when I'm shopping at Target

and I would see something messed up, I would fix it.

I also know the aisle numbers.

It's definitely easier when I go shopping

'cause I know where everything's at.

I remember my first paycheck was $300.

I was 16 at the time.

And I spent like 200 bucks of that on cosplay materials.

It was a cosplay for Hinata.

Definitely worth it.

I was never actually allowed to wear it

because I was still in my parents' house

and they were pretty strict.

I wore it at home and I look cute.

I never got to take pictures with it though.

It was Naruto,

and I still honestly can't complete the whole thing.

I like to watch through it

when I'm doing dishes and stuff.

There's a lot of episodes

and there's a lot of filler episodes,

so if you really wanna watch the full thing,

good luck with that.

I'd say just stick to the Manga.

Ooh, he was actually celebrity crush.

This is a funny story

because I actually never said this to people before.

It was Josh Hutcherson.

I was like 10.

I was in the Philippines

and my friends didn't really know about him

because they don't watch American movies like that.

I would write letters to myself from Josh Hutcherson

and I would tell everyone that he was my boyfriend

and I would print pictures of him and put him in my locker.

And for five years, my friends really thought that

I was in a relationship with Josh Hutcherson.

They found out because they saw Bridge to Terabithia.

[laughs]

And they were like, Oh, so this is your boyfriend?

That's insane.

Delusional, I know.

My current celebrity crush.

if you guys seen One Piece on Netflix,

I have a huge crush on Koby.

He's really cute, and Zoro.

So my last year in the military,

I was told that I could get orders to go to Europe

and be stationed there.

I was struggling with a lot of mental health issues,

and so I told them that I don't think I could do that.

Even though I love traveling the world

and I wanna experience Europe,

I said I wasn't gonna reenlist

because I was dealing with a lot of mental health issues.

My friends always make me feel that way.

Do you guys ever have like the feeling

when you're around your friends

and you guys are like out eating at a restaurant

and you don't have to use like a brain cell?

I feel so comfortable,

I don't even have to think around them.

The first advice I tell a friend

when I know they're having a hard time is like,

everything's temporary.

Whatever you're going through,

it's not gonna be a forever thing.

I feel like self-acceptance

is one of the most beautiful things

you could ever do to yourself.

To stop comparing yourself with other people,

to not care about what other people think about you.

You should be yourself at all times

and you should be comfortable with who you are.

Thank you so much, Teen Vogue, for having me.

And if you're someone who is struggling with mental health,

please talk to someone or reach out.

[soft upbeat music]